The mysterious technique of the cat

The Mysterious Technique of the Cat 
Neko no Myōjutsu by Issai Chozanshi (1659-1741)

There was once a swordsman called Shōken. In Shōken’s house, there was a large rat. The rat boldly ran around in the house in plain day, so Shōken attempted to catch it by closing off the room it was in and sending in his cat. Unfortunately, the rat ran straight at the cat, jumping on its head and biting it. The cat cried out and ran away.

Shōken had no choice but to assemble some local cats that seemed to be plenty strong, and send them into the room through a small opening. The rat was crouching in a corner, and jumped on and bit each cat that came near. Its fury was so great that the cats all cowered from the rat, making no further attempts to catch it. Seeing this, Shōken grew angry and grabbed his own wooden sword, attempting to strike down the rat himself. However, he not only swung and missed the rat every time, he had ruined his own walls and doors by the end.

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Dripping sweat, he yelled out for his servant. “I heard of an amazing old cat living 6 or 7 neighborhoods over. Go and borrow it.”
When it arrived, the cat didn’t look particularly sharp. However, when they put it in the room, the rat shrunk down and couldn’t move. The old cat strolled over nonchalantly, picked up the rat, and brought it out.

Later that night, many cats gathered at Shōken’s house. They all kneeled before the old cat and said, “We are all well known for our skill in rat catching, able to handle even weasels and otters, and our nails are razor sharp. However, there was nothing we could do against that rat. How is it that you were able to overcome that giant rat? Please impart to us the secrets of your art.”

The Old Cat laughed and said, “Young ones, you all put forth a good effort. The only reason you met with an unexpected defeat today was likely because you do not know technique that is in accord with correct principle. Before I begin, though, tell me about your training.”

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A black cat came forward and said, “I was raised in a family that specialized in catching rats. Since I was born I have trained myself with a view to becoming a great rat-catcher. I can leap over a seven foot screen and squeeze through tiny holes. I’ve always been talented at light and fast technique. At times I feign sleep and then strike out as soon as a rat comes near. Rats cannot escape me. I can catch them even as they fled across ceiling beams. I was never defeated until I met that old rat.”

The Old Cat said,”Your training has centered on technique. Accordingly, what stands in the forefront is your mind that aims (to achieve the goal). The old masters taught techniques as guides. And the technique itself was not easy. Within the technique, there is a profound truth, but today the emphasis is on the technique. Thus people create various techniques and polish their skills, resulting in nothing more than contests of technique. But once one can polish his skill no further, he is lost. If a person relies on skill and drowns in innovation, everything will follow similarly. The workings of the mind/heart will also have no foundation in principle. Emphasis on improvement then begets more harm than benefit. Reflect on this and innovate carefully.”

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Next a striped cat stepped forward and said: “I think that the most important thing for martial technique is how to carry one’s ki. I have long trained myself in its cultivation and development, and my ki is hard and strong, filling heaven and earth. I can face down my opponents with overwhelming ki and defeat them from the start. I can make any adjustment to change. I don’t need to consciously move, only move naturally, and even run along walls and ceilings. But that rat came without form, and went without a trace. I was stymied.”

The Old Cat replied, “That training works on the basis of nothing more than the force of ki. You are conscious of your own use of your power, so it is not spontaneous. Your thought and desire to not be defeated brings forth the opponent’s effort to defeat you. Furthermore, what to do when you cannot defeat something you are trying to defeat? It’s never the case that you are the only one that is strong and all of your opponents are weak. The ki that you think fills heaven and earth is nothing more than superficial force. It may resemble Mencius’ Kōzen no ki, but in reality it is not.

Mencius can perceive very well and has the knowledge to discern matters, and is very solid. But your solidity is dependent on force and the effect is not even comparable. It is like the difference between an ever-flowing great river and the force of a flashflood after a night’s rain. What to do when faced with an opponent that is unperturbed by the force of your ki? We know the proverb, ‘A biting cat gets bitten by the rat.’ When a rat is cornered it forgets life, forgets desires, forgets winning and losing, forgets safety – it is in a state of ‘mushin’. How to defeat such an opponent with only force?”

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Next, an older grey cat came forth quietly and said, “As you have stated, that type of ki power can be very strong but still retains a form, however slight. I have trained my mind for many years, and without force of ki or opposition, always trying to harmonize with everything. My technique is like a curtain surrendering to the pressure of a stone thrown at it. Even a strong rat finds no means to fight me. But that rat today, it wouldn’t yield to force, respond to harmonizing – it was almost god-like. I’ve never seen a rat like that before.”

The Old Cat answered, “The harmonizing you speak of is not of nature but instead something that is contrived. Accordingly, even if you strive to concentrate, if there is even the faintest wavering in you, the opponent will know it. Also, if one harmonizes based on one’s own mind, the energy will be tainted and spoiled. If you act based on thinking, then you obstruct the sense of naturalness/spontaneity, and subtlety cannot arise. Do not think or do. Move in accord with sense, and you will no longer have any enemies on this earth. This is not to say that the training that each one of you is doing is of no use.

Where there is energy (‘ki’), there is principle, and where there is principle, there is energy (‘ki’). There is principle in action, and energy is something that comprises physical function. When that energy becomes magnanimous, it can respond to things without limit. So, when harmonizing, without strength, even if one is hit by a rock, one will not break. The slightest thought makes everything an intention. Accordingly, the enemy will never respect you. There is no need to use any technique. It is enough to be ‘mushin’, and respond spontaneously. There is no end to the path, so one must not take what I say to be the enlightening secret.

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Long ago, there was a cat in my neighborhood who seemed to do nothing but nap all day. That cat looked spiritless, almost like a cat made out of wood. No one ever saw it catch a rat, yet wherever it was and wherever it went, no rat could be seen. I once visited the cat and asked it to explain. I asked four times but it remained silent each time. It was not that the cat did not want to answer but rather that it did not have a reason to answer. What I understood from that was, those who know, do not speak; those who speak, do not know. That cat forgot about itself, forgot about things, and had returned to a “non-thing”. It was truly “Divine, martial – no killing”. I was nowhere in comparison to that cat.

Shōken, who had been listening in on this dreamlike conversation, could not contain himself and suddenly burst in. “I have been training in swordsmanship for many years but I have yet to master its essence. Tonight I have learned about many different kinds of training and learned much. If I may request, please guide me to the innermost secrets.”

The Old Cat replied: “I cannot. I am just an animal that catches rats for food. What do I know about human affairs? I have heard this, though. Swordsmanship is not to attain victory over an opponent, but to face change and illuminate life and death. Warriors continually develop their mind/heart, and must train their technique.  Accordingly, if one can, through the principle of life and death, without using deliberation, innovation, and without doubt and hesitation, make peaceful the heart/mind and energy, and make usual being quiet and at ease, then one can freely respond to change.

Conversely, if one does not have such a mind, then there arises form, and thus enemies are born; one must face them and fight them, and no longer be able to respond to change. That is, one’s mind first falls into the realm of death and loses its vitality – how to then decide a duel optimally? Even if one wins, it is nothing more than luck, and not related to true swordsmanship.

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‘No-mind, no-object’ does not mean vacant. The mind does not originally have a form, and accordingly cannot harbor objects. If there is even a hint of harboring something, one’s energy tends to gather there, and if that happens it becomes difficult to be magnanimous, open, and free. What is tended toward becomes excessive, and where it is not so there arises a lacking. Where there is excess the momentum causes spillage, and where there is lacking, it becomes useless, and together, the ability to respond to change is lost.

The no-mind, no-object that I speak of is not accumulating, not gathering; there is no enemy, there is no self; simply put, there is no thought, no doing, quietly not moving, sensing what is on the earth, and finally, proceeding – it is close to mastering this principle.”

Shōken then asked,”What is meant by ‘There is no enemy, there is no self’?”

The Old Cat replied, “Because there is a self, there is an enemy. If there is no self, there is no enemy. The enemy is the same as yin-yang, fire-water. Everything that has a form has relativity/opposition. If there is no image (form) in one’s mind, then of course there is nothing relative, and no reason to fight. This is called, ‘No enemy, no self’. Forget both object and self, quietly and easily, rid yourself of all delusion and attachment, harmonize, and become one.

Even if one destroys the form of the enemy, the self does not know it. No, it’s not that it doesn’t know, it’s that there is no mind there and so there is just moving in accordance with sense. According to this mind, ‘The world is my world, I am the world”’ – there is no captivation by right-wrong, like-dislike. Everything comes from one’s mind – pain-pleasure, gain-loss; the broad universe is not something to be sought outside one’s mind.

The ancients said, ‘A speck of dust in the eye can make the three worlds look narrow. Free your mind.’ That is, if you have dust in your eye, you can’t open your eye. There is something where there shouldn’t be anything. This is about the heart/mind. The ancients also said, ‘Even surrounded by countless foes, this form may be smashed, but this mind is my mind.’ Confucius said, ‘Even the basest man cannot be deprived of his will.’ If one is perplexed or lost, that mind helps the enemy. This is all I have to say.

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The rest is up to each person to seek for himself. One’s master can transmit technique, or tasks – then there is only to realize the principle. The truth must be realized by the individual. This is called self-attainment. It is also called, ‘Heart/mind to heart/mind transmission’ – this is found everywhere self-attainment is, whether zen study, mental methods of the saints, or performing arts.

To teach is only to point out and help know that which a person has but cannot see himself. It is not to receive from the master. Teaching is easy, and listening to teachings is easy. However, it is difficult to find with certainty that which one has, and make it one’s own. This is called ‘kensho’. ‘Satori’ is to wake from the dream that is delusion. These are the same thing.”

 

Phuro! Be inspired!

Artwork : Monmon cats by Horitomo (Kazuaki Kitamura)

www.monmoncats.com

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Highlighting the good life

Need help to loosen and lighten things up ? Do you want to live the illumined life ? The way to enlightenment is easy. The rules for living the good life are simple :

Smile !

“No more rainy days, the sun will chase the clouds away, in the good life !”

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Shine your light !

“No more sorrow, nothing borrowed in the good life !”

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Celebrate life !

“No more bad times, only glad times in the good life !”

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Vibrate high !

“A feeling that you get from the good life, once you get the good life feeling !”

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Love !

“Love is shining, life is thriving in the good life !”

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Phuro! Be inspired!

 

Transformation !

“Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind”

Romans 12 : 2

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When we have eaten something toxic, our body automatically flushes out toxins, we don’t need to instruct it. When we are sick, our body knows how to heal itself. Every part of us – from organs to cells – is able to recreate itself automatically !

Inside every cell we are also able to hold memories, negative and positive ones. The physical body retains a memory of what the mind experiences. The mind or brain and nervous system retain a memory of what the body experiences.

If muscle memory wouldn’t exist, we would probably have to relearn fundamental basic skills every day such as riding a bicycle or how to kiss !

It stores the negative things aswell ; physical and psychological trauma we experienced during the course of our life. Dr. Deepak Chopra calls this the phantom memory within our cells (cellular memory).

Long after a trauma, deep within the brain, our subconscious mind remembers. The smells, the sounds, the tastes, the visuals surrounding the event are stored to form an emotional picture within the brain.

We can stimulate our body’s natural regenerative process. We can support our body by giving it the right commands. We can heal our body by holding the right intentions for it and visualising it healthy !

Our cells are reacting to everything that our mind says. If we think negative thoughts we harm our body and are affecting our immune system in a bad way, If we think positive thoughts that leave us feeling happy, we are nourishing our whole body-mind-soul system !

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Phuro! Be inspired!

 

 

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Find your king-pin !

“I now exercise my fearless faith in three ways : THINKING, SPEAKING AND ACTING. I am UNMOVED by appearances, therefore appearances MOVE.”

Florence Scovel Shinn

Everyone who is into metaphysics surely knows the works of Florence Scovel Shinn. She has written several books, her most known one is “The game of life and how to play it”

An important thing I remember about her work is that she talked about finding your king-pin, the thought which is your great oppressor, the thought which is blocking you from moving forward in life.

In the logging camps in the Spring, the logs are sent down the rivers in great numbers. Sometimes the logs become crossed and cause a jam. The men look for the log causing the jam (they call it the king-pin), straighten it, and the logs rush down the river again.

Just as with the logs that can get stuck by this king-pin, our natural flow of energy can be blocked, emotional debris are piled up due to our habitual negative thinking. This includes all our doubts, our fears, our worries…

Are you experiencing an impasse in your life ? You have done everything you can to make something work, but you are standing still, there seems to be no movement at all !

What is your logjam in your mind where you can’t get over ? What is preventing you from finding your happiness right now ?

It’s difficult to find the cause by just thinking about it, our ego will often get in the way and may bring up things that aren’t truthful, maybe you’ll start overthinking, which will only result in more worry and doubt !

The easist way to detect your king-pin is to release the emotion accompagnying the problem. My favorite way of tracing these trapped emotions is with Dr. Nelson’s emotion code. (If you would like to read the book, have access to the chart and the questions you can contact me on info@phuro.be to receive a free pdf version)

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I suggest you teach yourself some basic muscle testing skills as this is necessary to detect these emotions. The more you practise the more confident you will become ! A body magnet is also a very useful tool to fully release the emotions !

You can experience headaches or other physical discomfort afterwards but these are just signs that your body is flushing away the negativity. This is only temporary and a good indication that your body is releasing these stored emotions.

Most of the times when I do a release on myself, the oppressive thought, or the cause of the blockage will just pop up in my head after a while. Then I am conscious of what has been blocking me all this time. A feeling of “AHA” is usually what follows !

If we would use this technique regularly to let go of the stuff we have been accumulating, we would find ourselves being more healthy, more energetic and even more succesful and wealthy.

Dear empaths, dear lovers of life, this life can be tough, for some it is a struggle to survive in this materialistic word. Know that you don’t need to be spiritual and poor. Abundance is here for all. You have to find your king-pin blocking your abundance !

As Florence wrote : “Most people consider life to be a battle, but it is not a battle, it is a game. It is a game, however, which cannot be played succesfully without knowledge of spiritual law. All power is given to men (through right thinking) to bring his heaven upon his earth and this is the goal of the game of life. The simple rules are fearless faith, nonresistance and love !”

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Phuro! Be inspired!

 

 

 

A dance with the devil

“The devil’s boots don’t creak.”

If I would tell my friends I just had a dance with the devil, they might think I was invited on the dancefloor by a soccer player from our national team, called the “Red Devils”.

Or they might think I had a dream in which I had a rendez-vous with a gorgeous British actor, called Tom Ellis, aka Lucifer Morningstar…

I’m not referring to the above, I’m talking about the real deal here : Satan himself ! Who is he ? How does he proceed to win souls ? Is he really as charming as hell and does he use it as a weapon of deceit ?

In classical mythology, Lucifer is the morning star or the herald of the dawn (lucifer comes from the Latin word for light). In Christian tradition, the name Lucifer applies to Satan.

Lucifer’s fall resulted from his rebellion against the upper gods. He wanted to beat his opponents but was casted out of the highest spiritual realm for eternity !

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Lucifer’s power

In order to get you on his side, Lucifer will tempt you and try to mislead you with all kinds of illusions. His methods are legit ! Let us find out what his favorite ways are and how he plays the game !

The Luciferic forces are dwelming in the lower realms. They are able to slip into our astral body, penetrate it with their evil intentions. They speak to our hidden desires and our lower passions : greed, lust, envy, pride, hate,…

If the devil were allowed to use his full power against us – he is still a supernatural being – we could not resist him, for when he fell he didn’t lose any of his powers, he only lost eternal happiness !

A dog that is tied up cannot do any harm to those who keep out of range of his chain. The devil is like this dog. When you constantly dwell on evil thoughts, you get closer to the chained dog and you might get bitten !

He can work on our memory and our imagination, but he has no power over our will or our understanding. He can persuade us, but he cannot compel us to evil.

You might think all your thoughts are private or entirely yours, they are not. You might think your words fade out with time, they will not. You might believe your actions are gone unnoticed, they are not. Everything is registered for eternity..

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The devil in disguise 

Certain entities, demons, spirits, beings are able to influence the thoughts we think, the words we speak, the actions we undertake.

Evil can be barely seen as it lies beneath the surface. Allthough when you are sensitive to energy, you can feel this darkness, as if some presence is creeping over you.

They can be energy vampires, sucking the life completely out of you, leaving you exhausted, nervous, tensed, angry, dellusional or severly sick when you come in contact with them.

The devil in men

They don’t respect others, they devaluate, belittle and dehumanize…There’s a complete absence of empathy, no capacity to care for people…others are merely seen as things or objects.

They are power mongers, they always want to be in control and they like manipulating and exploiting people.

They cannot tell the truth : Lies, deceptions, half-truths are presented as facts and reality, they try to mask their destructive intentions and actions.

They have fun in instilling fear, anger and hate in others.

 

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How to protect yourself from evil ?

Good habits, which bring our lower passions and appetites under automatic control, leave our natures free to explore the larger experiences of life. Too many of us divide and dissipate our energies in debating actions which should be taken for granted.

Ralph W. Sockman

Whenever you want to get rid of evil, be clear in setting your intentions.

Visualize a protective shield around you, a light ball you can completely close from head to toe. Let an incessant amount of white light flow into your body.

You can clean your house or clear an infected area using crystals or smudging white sage.

Do deep breathing work and meditation and keep yourself grounded.

Use positive affirmations, prayers or mantras.

Invoke higher beings, angels or Jesus Christ to help you remove the darkness.

Know that your true power is rooted in faith not in objects ! 

“Resist the devil and he will fly from you.”

Phuro! Be inspired!

Other interesting read : Lucifer’s influence

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Patience my dear !

 

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This sentence crossed my mind several times this week, I read it in a blog, I even heard somenone telling it on the radio… Spirit wants to convey : “Be patient my dear friends, everything is okay ! All Good things come to those who wait…”

Or should we rather say : “All good things come to those who are patient ?”

Patience is about how we use the space and time between our desire and the manifestation of it, between the dream and our current reality.

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Patience is a virtue, it isn’t just waiting, it is a waiting plus ! Patience requires a mixture of ingredients, a mixture of different qualities.

It’s easy to focus on good things to happen when everything goes well, it’s not that easy when everything goes bad !

Patience requires a positive outlook on things. It is waiting and having the courage to withstand all opposing forces.

Patience requires our ability to wait and persist. Patience is perseverance.

Patience is waiting and believing.

Patience is showing active faith !

 

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Phuro! Be inspired!

 

 

Dating disasters…

Some people need a push at times to propel them into action, some can use a little help now and then when it comes to meeting new people, going on a date for example…

What if your friend goes on a date tonight but she is absolutely terrified ! She’s nervous…She’s afraid that she will stutter or have a total black out ! She has asked your help !

The only advice you can think of is a classic : “Imagine your date naked sweety, that’ll break the ice, that will do it ! ”

It surely gets you focused on something else for a while or it will at least put a smile on your face…but is this advice sufficient to overcome your fears and sense of insecurity ?

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What if your friend says : “Well that’s my problem ! I feel naked the moment I find myself face to face with my date, I feel uncomfortable when they stare at me, I feel vulnerable and I’m afraid ! What can I do about that ?”

Here’s some advice inspired by Mis(s)behave Miranda in case of acute symptoms of insecurity :

Be vulnerable !

Pardon me ? Yes, you heard it very well my dear : your vulnerability might be your biggest asset. No need to hide anything ! You are your authentic you and you are expressing it ! You might aswell inspire and invite your date to do the same… just showing his true self, without any masks !

You are a real, genuine human, displaying your qualities and your flaws…You don’t pretend to be someone else. What you see is what you get…

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Be  prepared !

You can’t leave everything to chance…A little preparation might be necessary…Having a plan B in mind, having some subjects in mind to avoid these awkward moments of silence….

Controle freak ? Perfectionist ? I know you tend to get nervous even when you are fully equipped for the job, you might be very passionate, you even might be the very best in what you are doing but you often sabotage yourself because of your anxiety and insecurity. You put a lot of pressure on yourself !

You freak out when things don’t go as planned or when something unexpected happens…You anxiously want to be in control…you are definitely not the one who will improvise when things go wrong…

Know it’s all about balance…Try to be more spontaneous in your interactions with your partner ! Don’t be so tensed. Loosen up !

 

Never focus on the negative !

Do you know someone who attracts weird situations continuously as if Murphy’s law were inspired by them,….they seem to be chased by bad luck constantly…Every doom scenario comes to pass…Disaster is always following their footsteps…

Don’t think too much about the things that can go wrong. Whatever you focus on grows ! Your negative imagery, your doubts and worries will leave you even more insecure. Put some positivity in yourself !

With your thoughts and words you give yourself commands (autosuggestions). If you are unconscious of your negative self-talk, your thoughts will turn into a belief and will start a life of their own. They will play in auto mode in the back of your head, constantly attracting bad vibes…Break the pattern !

Be careful what you wish for and don’t put spells on yourself !

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Ask advice !

You could do a role play with a friend and practise some good oneliners and jokes. You could ask them to interview you about a topic you are interested in or feel extremely excited and confident about !

You can ask them to be there as a support on the sidelines, as your back up in case of emergency…they can bring you back to senses, they can get your fire started, bring some welcome distraction to the party or scare your date away when he’s a creep !

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“But what if I still make a complete fool out of myself…?”

Face your fears & do it anyway !

Do you really want to know if he’s mister Right…? Face your fears or face the regrets ! See it as a challenge. Be courageous ! Sharpen your senses and go for it !! And if at first you don’t succeed…brush yourself off and try again !

 

Always imagine a good outcome !

I guess I am repeating myself but… Learn to feel it for real baby !!! Focus on the desired outcome : change your vision until it feels good !

Influence your subconscious with the right impressions ! YES, IMPRESS IT ! You must make mental pictures of what you want and REPEAT them diligently but with ease, effortlessly and smoothly…

 

Rehearse your walk and talk and have fun improvising !!!

Phuro! Be inspired!

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Love is now(-)here !

“Open your heart and surrender to the peace of a quiet mind and to the eternal no-thing-ness at the core of your existence. Here then is where your Eternal Nature is to be experienced and where the unconditional Love of our Lord awaits. It is simply what you are when there is nothing in your way.”

S. F. Pfister

When a relationship ends our whole world just seems to stop and collapse. A painful grieving process often begins. We feel uncomplete and we find ourselves wandering…wondering about old times. How we wish to experience those moments again…How we crave those people…Our love and happiness are living in the past.

When we experience a rough time or are facing some tough stuff in our relationship(s), we find ourselves dreaming of better times, we are looking forward to a more healthy or wealthy future…our time has yet to come… Our love and happiness are living in the future.

The present can feel so unpleasant that we constantly try to escape it, so in mind we rewind or fast forward continuously to better times. We return to reality only to find out our happiness isn’t here right now ! We get caught in a vicious cycle…

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There is no past. the past is a mental picture, constantly edited by us. There is no future. There are only thoughts in the present about things that have not happened yet. We project our thoughts to future events. Again it is a mental picture !

We can only be conscious in the moment, we can only experience happiness and love now here !

You tell me that you have been looking for love everywhere ! You looked in every possible corner and it’s nowhere to be found ! It’s not there for you, it’s just not meant to be…

What you see are just reflections of your inner self, what you are lacking outside, you forgot to nourish within in the first place !

Here’s the problem : what you desire doesn’t correspond to your reality. You see two things : your desire and the lack of it in your life. You don’t have what you want and you start focusing on the lack.

Everywhere you go, you see people having what you want, you see loving couples kissing each other, your heart crumbles…Everyone you meet, reminds you of what you are currently missing and lacking in life !

What you want to attract in life you often repulse by connecting a negative emotion to it, by feeling bad about it. You reject your happiness because you are not feeling worthy…

You don’t feel worthy, you doubt and worry…You are afraid of making another mistake, you are jealous and envious of a friend…Feelings of blame, guilt, shame are keeping your vibration low. You radiate lack. Like attracts like so more lack is all that follows…

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Set your heart free and tune up !

It’s not that what you desire is bad or impossible to accomplish. You just need to close the gap between your desire and actually having the experience of it. You close the gap by feeling your way into it. By bringing that feeling of acccomplishment, the feeling of “it is done” to the present moment. Live it ! Be it !

Are you corresponding and responding with love, radiating love or are you repulsing it and rejecting it ? Are you still judging and blaming others for your fails and fiascos in your relationships ? You have to let go of what ties you to the past. You need to soften up for your own sake !

When you are searching for a suiting song on the radio, you make sure when you stumble on the right one that you stay on the exact frequency of that particular radiostation broadcasting it !

You don’t stop before it or after it where you can barely hear it or where there’s  disturbance…You adjust untill you hear it very brightly and clearly !

Love is always at our disposition, right here, right now.  Not in a distant place and time. Love lies at our core. We only need to adjust our tuner and find the right frequency to unlock the magic !

Once we find the wisdom of the heart, it is our most accurate gps and steering wheel !

Phuro! Be inspired!

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Show some respect !

It’s saturday and I am preparing myself to play a soccer game with my team ! I am completely motivated, I can’t wait to be on the field…Let the game begin !

Today is a very special day : it is bring-your-family-to-soccer day ! And boy oh boy am I lucky ! A bunch of people are already in line to accompany me to the game ! My angry dad, my overacting mom, my annoying sister, my agressive cousin, my drunk uncle and our-know-it-all friend of the family…

Jeez….What could possibly go wrong…

When cheering becomes jeering…

My angry dad

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I recognized a pattern after all these years. At first he told me what to do on the field, followed by throwing insults at me. It infected my play and I regularly lost focus…

His remarks often leave me wondering why I am still playing football, he says I suck afterall…

I learned how to deal with his behaviour, one day I just stopped listening to him, I imagined carrying a remote control on me, and I muted him whenever I wanted it !

However, now that I am immune to his insults, he has turned his anger towards someone else and he spits his frustration out on other people !

My overacting mom

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She can really embarrass me. Her voice usually overrules any sound around. My teammembers always give me that look, I just know how much they feel sorry for me…

Tackled and lying on the field ? A bleeding nose ? There she is running on the field towards me like a desperate animal, a headless chicken, she’s losing it !

No challenging duels for her ! How dare anyone attack me – her son for godsake – and steal the ball ? Next thing you know, I turn my head and she’s already punching my opponent or taking him by the ears…

My annoying sister 

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She is able to shy away the grass beneath our feet. My teammembers stare at her. She seems to be able to hypnotize a whole crowd. She always wants to steal the show. Whenever she is around, it’s all eyes on her !

I am often obliged to install a buffer zone around her or to tie her up so she can’t escape…What do people see in her ? She’s such a spoiled brat….

My agressive cousin

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It is easy to find him in the crowd, he always catches attention and he can’t sit still for a single minute !

He’s not really here to watch my game, that’s not interesting at all ! He likes to bully everyone around, he’s here trying to trigger people for a fight. He calls himself a hooligan.

He even wants me to lose, so he can be emotionally upset, destroy other people’s property and leave a trail of destruction behind. He is often in company of :

My drunk uncle

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I wonder what’s wrong with him when I don’t see him carrying a beer in his hands. Things can turn around very rapidly in soccer…so with uncle Eddy : he can morph from teddy to creep within seconds ! Once he’s loaded he’s going completely bananas…

He touches anything on two legs and usually remembers absolutely nothing afterwards. Alcohol is his excuse for everything that goes wrong : spirit made him grab the pussy !

Our know-it-all friend

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Did you spot him already ? Who invited him ? That arrogant prick, always wanting it bigger and better, always wanting to be right. Mr. Know-it-all ! He wants to be my manager and make me great again huh ???

He corrects my coach, tells him he’s a loser…According to him the ref doesn’t know anything about soccer. In his days things were a lot different, my whole club just sucks !

 

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It’s not okay !

It’s not okay when each time you are playing a game, you have to worry what insults your dad is going to yell this time.

It’s not okay when your mother is always there shaking things up !

It’s not okay when supporters are verbally abusive towards you, calling you names, belittling you, swearing at you…Thug, diver, bully,…

You should have fun playing the game and enjoy learning to play, free from adult interference and intimidation !

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Silent sidelines

A lot of clubs are working towards silent sidelines these days. They often receive angry emails from the parents afterwards…

“What’s the point of watching the game, when we can’t yell and scream and be supportive ?”

We’re not telling that a grandmother saying “good job” to her grandson, all of sudden needs to shut up, or that you can’t use uplifting words to motivate your son.

Things are different when children become ashamed of parental behaviour, when there’s verbal abuse or physical assault towards other spectators, the ref, other players and not to forget : their own children !

If supportive means being respectful towards EVERYONE that would be wonderful ! But I’m sure some are benefitted with guidelines when it comes to tempering their emotions…

Continual verbal attacks thrown back at each other or at the children on the field… heckling the ref…. this kind of behaviour often leads to physical violence !

Put everything back in perspective ! Show some respect ! We are all human !

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