I don’t have to tell anyone the difference between a bully and a victim or an agressor and a defender. But what do bullies and their victims have in common?
They are both “unbalanced” and swing between anger and fear !
Some kids grow up in harsh environments, without any signs of affection or words of support and appreciation. Some have to confront a bully at home, some are victim of verbal or physical abuse.
These children often become fearful, resentful or agressive. Some become bullies themselves as a way to cope with their life and deal with the pain. “Someone has to pay !”
Some are in search of someone they can control, who are an easy target for their verbal assaults or physical attacks, children who show signs of weakness, looking “weird” or react fearful.
The victim’s life will get worse if the bully isn’t stopped. The victim’s fear becomes frustration, the frustration becomes anger and is eventually spitted out on parents, sisters, brothers,…It causes a serious vicious cycle, everything is loaded !
Mental strength and emotional resilience
Each time the bully shoots his arrows on you and you feel bad, he has found ground where his anger can settle and sprout ! Then you make it even worse with repetitive negative thoughts about yourself.
Knitted together they make a giant ball of frustration, difficult to untangle ! Ever had a chewing gum in your hair ? That kind of nasty thing ! You’ll have to come up with an ingenious solution if you do not want it to turn into a complete mess !
Self analysis * change * transformation
Freeze it on spot !
You are not freaking out this time ! Be an iceman : let them fire their fiery flames ! You will build a huge icewall to protect yourself. The flames will have vanished before they can hit you ! That cold icy layer and that cold freezing air around you makes you untouchable for these attacks. “Is that all they got ?” Brush yourself off !!
Tip : There’s a breathing and relaxing method called the Freeze frame technique developed by Heart Math institute that can help you stay calm in case of emergency.
Energy level
What is your current energy level ? How is your health ? Are you eating the right food ? Do you have any physical pain, where does it hurt ? What is your overall body feeling
When emotions accumulate they cause stress and dis-ease in your body, they will make your body go weak.
Tips : Eat plenty of natural and fresh food. Don’t self-medicate !
Thoughts & beliefs
Write down your repetitive thoughts about the situation, about yourself, about the bully. What kind of thoughts are you constantly chewing on ? Your thoughts will eighter be occupied by something in the past or something in the future !
Where’s your self-talk heading ? How do you describe yourself ? What are words or sentences you frequently use ?
Tips : Make your self-talk positive. Learn to visualize a good outcome. Focus on the positive. Be courageous ! Have a role play with friends or family to practise some good one-liners !
Emotions & feelings
Your habitual thoughts will cause you to imagine different kind of scenarios. A doom scenario in your head will usually result in a bad feeling. How often do you repeat previous attacks in your mind, each time experiencing the emotions again ? You can already feel fearful because of what tomorrow brings. Before you know you are in a vicious cycle with continious vicious results.
Tips : Focus your attention on things that feel good, let go of bad feelings instead of storing them in your body. Learn how to relax and do breathing exercices. Focus on heart feelings ! Anger issues : find some tips here : Throwing a tantrum ?
Triggers
Is there something out of your control ? Something or someone in your surroundings that actually worsens the whole thing ?
Do you have supportive family or friends ? When yes, spit all your worries out !
Tips : Too sad, too lonely, too depressed ? Seek help ! Suicidal, someone threatens you ? Seek help !
Social behavior
What is your attitude and style around other people ? How’s your walk and talk ? Are you walking with your shoulders up or down ? Are you facing the ground or looking around ? Do you want to control people all the time or are you the one being controlled ? Are you shy or bossy ? What kind of behavior of others triggers you ?
Tips : Practise your attitude in front of a mirror, look confident, stand straight ! Make eye contact when you talk to someone ! Tell your affirmations out loud in front of the mirror every day !
“When did a dragon ever die of the poison of a snake ?”
Nietzsche
All these things are related, and you will find out that when you bring a positive change in one section another will soon follow. Use the tips and you will surely get positive results !
Your own thoughts and emotions can be your biggest monsters and the most challenging but you are always in control of them and you are able to change them ! When you face the fears inside the bully often disappears outside !
Phuro! Be inspired!
Phuro! 